By: Trish B.
As a journalist and black woman, I believe it’s safe to bring up discussions that are often overlooked. However, it’s time to break those barriers so we can heal together … let’s begin.
With the traditions of black families we’ve been taught to normalize chaos as a method for dealing with stress and life's tribulations. It's what Black mothers and grandmothers have passed on and all in all fortified, many ages, sustaining the solid Black woman generalization. This acknowledged that Black women have a remarkable quality past that of other ethnicities. We are perceived to feel no agony, we don't cry, we needn't bother with assistance. This particular mindset has done us more mischief than anything.
Women of color are expected to push through, continue onward, don’t complain, and bear troublesome occasions without fight. Requesting help—or in any event, accepting that we're meriting it—is an indication of shortcoming and weakness that we've been instructed we can't bear.
As we get older we are paying for this instilled mindset and that we must be this version of ourselves for the world. It has limited our psychological wellness, concealing sorrow, pain, trauma, remaining occupied with, staying single, indulging or not eating by any stretch of the imagination, and normalizing every last bit of this behavior is executing us daily.
Personally, I am blessed to be an Independent woman, but ... I am NOT a man ... In any dilemma I learned to ask for help, sadly I’m still not very confident in doing so. I’ll call one of my male friends, cousins, brothers to assist in moving furniture, changing a tire, fixing something, or any heavy labor.
That’s something else I’m unlearning, being “overly independent “as a BLACK woman. Though it is detrimental to always have your own as a woman. Not just to have the finer things in life, but the freedom & liberation that comes with being a WOMAN who can hold her own and not be dependent on a man or anyone but God for her needs.
The overly independent mad black woman mentality has to flee … That is a toxic mindset for young black girls and I’m not raising my daughter to think that way. Our femininity is what makes us women, it allows us to express how we move to the rhythm of life, embrace our gifts and talents, and be attune with our internal process which makes us unique. If I were a man, I wouldn’t want date a woman who’s too independent where my male intellect would be dismantled & I’m not needed.
Of course, women these days have become more Independent and running their households, business’s and in even in some cases making more than the man. Working a 9-5, running a business, staying focused in your career, being a mother and wife is a mindset. As black women, I do believe we were born with a gift of determination because of the stereotypes we fight through daily and those expectations. A woman who has mastered her value learns how to get the bacon to “come to her” the table...
Despite the trials we face, we must love the skin we are in. The skin we wear that glistens next to gold, the full lips we have that teach the world when we open our mouths to speak, the hips we have that sway when we walk into a room and silence it – the kinkiness of our hair which we hold knowledge to change nations and wear a crown fits perfectly.
We are beautiful, we are unique, we are loved, and we are BLACK Queens.